It’s finally December and I could not be happier. I have to admit that I had a difficult September, October, and November, but I feel that this year is definitely going to end on a high note, so I think. I successfully finished my first quarter of graduate school and it is definitely a relief to say the least. Though I am excited to go back home for the holidays, I am sadly dreading this holiday season… I’m not sure if it’s just me but it seems like EVERYONE is in a relationship during this time of year. I haven’t really discussed my romantic relationships in my podcasts or blog posts because I did not want that topic to be the main focus of either, but the topic has been on mind lately. So back to the dreading the holiday season thing… because it seems like every person I follow on social media is in a happy relationship. I definitely know that not everyone I follow is in a relationship and even the people who are in relationships may not be in happy ones, so why does it bother me so much? It’s simple actually… I have the fear that the girl posing in the picture with her person in front of a holiday scenery will never be me. Okay… Yes, I realize that this is very dramatic and probably an irrational fear as I have been in relationships before, but as I get older and continuously experience unsuccessful relationships this fear is turning into a reality (of course in my mind). My friends and family all try to reassure me that this won’t be the case for me and that I am still young and still have so much time to find my person. Don’t get me wrong, I have no intention of getting married anytime soon, but I would just like to know that there is a man out there who is confident that they’d want to be with me. One of the reasons for this is because I am simply tired of playing the dating game. I’ve been hurt one too many times. I love very hard even when that love may not be reciprocated. Some people see this as a strength and some see it as a weakness, and I unfortunately see it as my burden. I don’t want to start rambling, but it’s how I am feeling going into this holiday season. As I am ending 2018, I may not have my person, but I have myself and I am so proud of what I have been able to accomplish within these past few months. I’m hoping to carry this energy throughout this month and into the new year and just maybe I’ll find my person by next holiday season, haha.
