As much as I would like to have a “thank u, next” vibe for the past relationships/ and situationships I’ve been in, I’m sorry to tell y’all that I am SO far from that vibe. However, in 2019 I am planning to work on that, but until then I am going to gradually share bits and pieces of different experiences I have had with guys in a series of blog posts. I am not going to go in a particular order just because if you know me you will be able to figure out who I am talking about and I also just wanna write about whatever situation I would like on any day instead of planning ahead of time so my sentiments can be more transparent and genuine.
So as many times as I have searched for the perfect article or book to read to get over a guy I was not even in a relationship with, I have not found the article or book that I have related to; so I am writing this post to express my feelings and to hopefully be a voice that resonates with another girl or woman that has been in a similar situation as this. Unfortunately, I have been in several situations where I develop feelings for a guy and I already know that they either don’t want a relationship or they just don’t like me in a romantic way. Being a young woman I thought that I could change a guy’s mind or even make him like me just by always trying to spend time with him or showing that I care by actively supporting him. Ultimately this always and in this situation ended up futile as the guy still did not see me in that way. Looking back at this situation, I am glad that I put in the effort because I never want to question myself about whether I did enough. I’ve found that you can do the absolute most for a guy and he still will not see you in the way that you see him, and that’s okay. It definitely took me a long time to accept this and to be completely honest I am still trying to accept this as it is extremely hard to accept that someone who seems so perfect for you does not want to be with you in that way at all.
Unfortunately, situations like this one can end in heartbreak and feeling like you aren’t good enough or will never be good enough. Once I finally realized that I did all that I could and this person did not want to be in a relationship with me I decided to distance myself from this person and let me know that if they ever wanted to talk to me, see me, basically have any type of contact with me that they would need to initiate it first. This method of getting over this person initially worked out as I gradually stopped communicating with them simply because they were the ones initiating the communication so we talked every few weeks but nothing consistent.
Eventually I was telling my best friend that I did not like this person anymore and I was over the whole situation but the world has an interesting way of revealing to you, your true feelings about a situation… About a month after having this conversation with my friend I was on social media and I saw probably the most dramatic relationship reveal that I have ever seen. And yup, you guessed it. It was the guy who I SWORE I had no more feelings for. As soon as I saw the picture feelings came rushing back like a huge tidal wave. I never thought that I’d feel how I felt when I saw that picture. Being the dramatic person I am, I screenshotted the picture and sent it to all of my friends who knew that I had liked him. Then, I did what every girl who’s close to their mom does… She calls her mom. I called my mom and told her and she was half asleep so she honestly did not care at all so I just was like ehh whatever. A few minutes later I did what every girl wants to do, but should never do, but this girl did (haha) is contact the person who caused this rush of emotions. Again being the dramatic person I am I text this person with a quote of something that they had consistently said was the main reason that they did not want a relationship. I definitely knew what I was getting myself into but at this point I did not care. I waited for his response and he said something along the lines of when you meet the right person then that changes things. Immediately my brain processed as “well you must’ve not been good enough or the type of girl he wants… how could you have actually thought that he could have liked you, etc.” Following this I typed up this long paragraph , which again I should not have sent but I did, but I told him that I was not sure what I was thinking and that all the girls he dates looks like models so of course you would never like me…
This last conversation took place a couple of months ago and I have not really had contact with him since. I hate blocking paths of communication with people so I did not block him. I did mute him on social media because he’s the type of person that posts EVERYTHING and then some on social media so I knew I would get upset every time I saw a post or story. Though this situation did not turn out like I wanted it to LOL I have learned so much about myself as I’ve gone through this situation… 1. Always listen to what guys tell you unless they say something that refutes it and if they do refute their previous statement, clarify to make sure that they mean what they say. People always say actions speak louder than words but in this situation this person’s words were true but their actions were just extremely confusing. So in my case it taught me that when guys say things then that is what they do indeed mean. Seems obvious? It does, but guys lie all the time as well. 2. Putting in all of your effort is extremely tiring and draining and though it might not work, it does not mean that something is wrong with you. A recurring thought that I have, not specific to this situation, is that I am not good enough because a guy doesn’t want me. This is certainly not the case but my mind always ends up going to this irrational thought. 3. The last thing I learned which can actually be applied to other things besides relationships is don’t believe the hype on social media. Couples will post their dates, outings, gifts, etc. all on instagram to show the world how perfect they or their significant other are when in reality no one is perfect and no situation is perfect. I hope y’all enjoyed this post and please share with your friends and on social media. I’ll be continuing this series in a few days so stay tuned!
