I’m sitting here on my couch contemplating if I want to write this blog post right now as I am not feeling well because I have a cold but I really wanted to have this out there since it’s the end of Mental Health Awareness Month! In my last post I discussed my relationship with my mom and how important our relationship is to me because it’s the main support I have while I am on my journey with anxiety and depression. I have never really talked about these challenges in detail, so I wanted to write a post specifically how it feels to experience anxiety and depression.
Firstly, there are a lot of misconceptions regarding how individuals experience depression as it can look differently in other people. Personally, when I am going through a down phase I just feel very blah and most of my perspective of the world is negative. I think one of the most common misconceptions of depression is that people are always sad and crying. For me, it’s more of feeling like I don’t have a concrete purpose in my life at the present moment even though I may still be attending classes and going to work. I also may feel that I’m going through the motions of the day, but not actually feeling present and that time is just passing by. If you have not experienced being depressed you may have a hard time understanding how this feels, but just imagine how you feel when you wake up from a nap that was longer than expected and you’re in a haze for the first few minutes after you wake up. A lot of times this is how I feel when I am depressed, which just makes me feel more unmotivated to do whatever I have planned since it feels like I am in this constant haze.
Secondly, people can experience depression and anxiety at the same time or at different times. There are times when I feel that I am just depressed and there are other times where I feel just anxious. I’ve noticed over the years that it’s easier for me to fall into being very anxious compared to falling into a down period which could turn into depression. I also have realized that for me, when I experience both depression and anxiety at the same that is when I am most susceptible to feeling like I am not valued and that I am worthless. This feeling is pretty hard to explain to people as they may try to tell you things like “but you have friends that care”, “you’re doing well in school”, and “your family loves you.” Though this may actually be the case, it is hard for us to believe that is true when we might have a negative perspective of our lives at the time. It is good that other people are reminding of us the facts, but it’s also important to acknowledge that we may still be feeling down despite the facts of the situation.
Thirdly, something that really bothers me is when people assume that you can just make yourself feel better. I know many people suggest activities for someone to do when they are in this down period because they may not know how to help, but telling someone to make themselves feel better just ends up making them feel worse. Specifically for me, I just don’t have the motivation to do something social even though it could potentially help me just because I’ll be physically around people and not just be alone in my space. It’s just very frustrating because many people don’t understand that the depression just doesn’t go away when you do something that should make you feel happy.
Though you may not feel that you can relate to a friend or family member who might have experiences similar to mine, it’s good to communicate with them as much as you can. I know it helps when a friend tells me that I have may have never experienced whatever I am explaining to them, but I can see how that would be something difficult to go through. Just knowing that you care enough to try to understand means a lot and is better than just not being supportive at all.
I definitely have more to say about this topic but I wanted to keep it short since I am sick and about to go to sleep haha, but I still wanted y’all to be able to have this! If you have any questions about my mental health experience or would like to talk to me about mental health in general or anything else feel free to message me on my Instagram. Can’t wait to hear from y’all!
Erin Alexandria
