Ready

I am ready. “Ready for what?”, you may be thinking. I am ready to love and to give my heart to someone. Yes, yes I know this may sound dramatic but this is how ready I am, haha. One of my best friends would always make fun of me and say something like “Erin, you know you’re just waiting for your Disney movie moment to happen…” And he was not wrong when he said this because I believe you can have a “Disney moment”, however there’s SO much waiting involved. At this point I wish there was a “build- a-man” store because I am tired. Tired of waiting around for that person. Tired of developing feelings for someone only to not have those reciprocated. I am tired of seeing women with engagement rings wishing I had a ring on my finger. Once again, don’t get me wrong I am not ready to be married right now but like I have said in other posts I am ready to find my person. Whenever I have these conversations with friends one of their go-to questions is “have you tried online dating?” And the answer is yes, yes I have. Actually I met my most recent ex-boyfriend on Tinder. So yes, I’ve tried multiple sites including Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble. I haven’t given up hope just yet, but it’s definitely getting to that point. I’ll share some experiences from online dating in another post…

But back to this post… I am ready. I’ve always know that I’ve had a big heart and though this is a great trait to have, I most often times hate having it. Why? Well, because it’s easy to get hurt with a big heart. I don’t really believe in zodiac signs, but I am a Cancer and if you look up the description of a Cancer I am the perfect representation of what a Cancer is down to the care and loyalty. I also really try to see the best in people so even if someone has a trait I don’t like I try to excuse it and look past it. This is all fine and well until you end up liking almost every guy that shows a little interest in you. Apparently this is how some of my friends view me, which I won’t deny or confirm is true, haha. This came up a couple of weeks ago when my friend tweeted something about my favorite character from This Is Us, Randall. Randall is everything and then some. If I could choose the type of person I end up with it would be Randall because he has both academic intelligence and emotional intelligence which is key. I could write a whole post about Randall. But back to the story… I responded to her saying that Randall was my ideal man and then she responded with something like everyone is your ideal man. I was shocked that she actually said this because it’s something I’ve thought about, but didn’t realize that other people perceived me in this way. It’s not that every guy is my ideal guy, it’s that I’m very picky with who I decide to get to know so if do start talking to you chances are you’ve already checked off most of my boxes on my list. I also am very idealistic when it comes to guys so I have a bad habit of projecting what I want a guy to be rather than paying attention to what he actually is on his own. So yes though I do like guys easily, I would not say that I would like just anyone.

Like I said I am very emotional and sometimes I just want to give people tons of compliments and encourage them just because I like them. This is all good until you use a lot of this energy and it seems that they don’t acknowledge the effort. I am the point where I am ready to send people paragraphs motivating them to start their day and send them texts throughout the day to give them a positive note. When the person doesn’t feel the same way about you, sending these messages don’t feel the same. I just miss being able to show that type of love and support for someone. One of my love languages is words of affirmation and I feel that it’s so easy to send a quick text to brighten someone’s day.

I also am ready to go on dates. When me and my last boyfriend decided to break up he would joke with me saying that I would have a boyfriend by the time I moved to Chicago. He was completely wrong because I haven’t been on a date since I moved here or really since we broke up. I’ve said so many times within the past several months to friends that I just want to be taken out on a date. We just started the year, so I’m sure I’ll go on at least one date before the year is over, haha. Just something about a guy putting in effort to plan the date and being intentional. I am a super intentional person so I really value dates because it’s something intentional. There’s nothing wrong with just hanging out, but there’s nothing intentional about that so going out on a date shows that the person actually cares enough to get to know you in a public yet intimate setting.

So yes, long -story short I am ready for love, as corny as that sounds. People weren’t meant to be alone so I definitely don’t think I’ll be alone forever, but this waiting process is really something else. The waiting can definitely be lonely at times, but I hope that it will all be worth it in the end.