It’s been a while since I’ve actually taken the time to write and I must say it is so weird writing this right now. The last time I wrote a post was about three months ago. Since then so much has happened and I’ve experienced so much. I’ve been in a pretty bad place the past two months and I’m still trying to work my way out, but the main thing that has helped me during this time has been the love that my mom has for me.
I’ve been struggling with anxiety since as early as middle school and back then it was related to school stressors. I also started showing symptoms of depression when I was in middle school but looking back I don’t really think that was affecting me as much as anxiety was affecting me. I can remember that my mom tried to help me the best ways that she knew how and this was only the beginning…
Throughout college I really had challenges with depression and anxiety and those were mostly triggered by relationships or friendships. During most of my undergrad, with the exception of my freshman year, I never really felt like I fit in and that I had my group of people. I had friends but those friends had friend groups that I was not necessarily in. So I felt that my friends didn’t really value me as a member of a group since I felt like I had no group. Though I was so physically far away from my mom during college I think this time actually cultivated our relationship that we have now.
I started relying on my mom for emotional support so much during my sophomore year of college because I felt down and felt that I really did not have anyone at school with me. I was talking to her on the phone multiple times a day because I simply just wasn’t really talking to people on campus. I was also dealing with a breakup at the time so she would listen to me vent and offer advice even though she knew that this wouldn’t necessarily take away from how I was feeling. I can’t say that she did not get frustrated with me at times as I insisted to her that I would never feel better and things would never change, but she never left me throughout that time and any time since then.
Like I said before I am currently dealing with some things and my mom has been constantly there. I tell her often that I seriously do not know what I would do without her. Even though she may not be able to solve my problems or instantly make me feel happy when I don’t even feel like smiling she offers me consistent love and support. Though it may not seem like much at the time but when I look back she truly has supported me through everything and I’m so glad that I have a mother like her. She’s willing to ask me about ways in which she could do things differently that might help me feel better or things that she shouldn’t say or do that could potentially make me feel worse which I value so much because this shows that she truly does care. I tell her all of the time that doesn’t know what it feels like to experience what I experience when I may feel anxious or depressed and she acknowledges it. However, just because she doesn’t completely relate to how I’m feeling she shows empathy and tries to understand me. I truly do not tell her thank you enough for everything she does for me so this is just a little note to express how much she really does impact me!
I love you mommy!!
